i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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