He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
