I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
