He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
