I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ok first of all what the fuck
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
