By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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