Don't make out with my wife yet
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
