the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
