he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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