Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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