I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
