Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need moral support for this bender
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
