In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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