And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
