Christians are straight up FREAKS
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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