i permit you to call me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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