He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
