My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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