Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
