He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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