fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
