Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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