How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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