How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
