i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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