I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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