Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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