I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
