Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
vagina is talking i cant
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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