the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You can't motorboat a personality
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
