i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
