True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
