I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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