non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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