did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
