Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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