you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
