Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
