saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
