Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
