Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
