i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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