2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
