White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
