If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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