I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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