I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
