if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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