from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
