i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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