Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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