Say something about gay babies.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
