omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
