i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
