just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
