All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
