he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
